40 OVER 40 Menopausal Mayhem Mother
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EMMA SKEATES
MENOPAUSAL MAYHEM MOTHER
The first woman I'd like to introduce you to as part of my 40 OVER 40 project is very wonderful Emma Skeates, AKA the Menopausal Mayhem Mother whose blog, all about life as a woman of a certain age, is keeping other women sane! With October being the month of World Menopause Day, I thought Emma would be the perfect person to kick start the project.
I stumbled across Emma by accident one day whilst scrolling mindlessly through Facebook and found myself cracking up at her tales of menopausal misfortune. It was just what I needed having recently worked out that I too was in the throes of this very weird time!
I photographed Emma at her house and we hit it off straight away, laughing the whole time I was there! She was also generous enough to appear as a guest on my podcast Dear Hormones sharing some of her madder menopausal moments with myself and co-host Kate Bauss.
Emma has been generous enough to answer a few questions for me about the joys of growing older and I think when you read her answers you'll see why I decided that her photo had to be a montage like this - so many sides to this one!
The second photograph below this montage is one of my favourites. Sitting on the sofa (which will be so familiar to her thousands of followers) where she does so many of her Facebook and Instagram lives, talking openly and honestly about life as a menopausal woman.
Emma has paved the way for many more women to share stories about the menopause and for that I can't thank her enough. The more we talk about it, the better it's going to be for everyone.
What advice would you give 20 year old you?
I would tell her to be brave. To believe in herself and allow herself to make as many mistakes as she needs to. There are only two things in life that are irreversible : becoming a parent and death. Everything else can change, and invariably will! Nothing stays the same, both good and bad. So take every chance that comes your way. If your plans go awry, it’s ok! If your life’s dreams dissolve, it’s ok! You are where you should be 100% of the time and just keep embracing the good and bad waves and remember, no-one is perfect and if they are, they’re lying!
Best thing about getting older?
The best thing about getting older is knowledge and self-belief. You have survived 100% of each and every one of your worst days, weeks and months and that makes you pretty bloody amazing. You must embrace getting older because you have invariably done the tough stuff. There will be more, but the older you get and the further into life’s journey, you will realise that you are more than capable of not only surviving but thriving. That can only be achieved with experience.
What has the menopause meant to you?
Honestly? Freedom! I went into the menopause surgically at 44. At first the anxiety, the hot flushes and the insomnia were frightening, but I did my research and more importantly, I reached out to other women through my blog, and I got some amazing solutions and advice. I decided to change my outlook on this new chapter – be positive! No more periods, no more fears of unwanted pregnancies, a new beginning.
Any words of wisdom for women out there?
DO NOT SUFFER IN SILENCE! We are all in this together and there IS information out there. Firstly, HRT is your friend. It is NOT dangerous, it is protective. It is now bio-identical which means it is exactly the same as the hormones that your body would have produced. If you can, take it. Be positive. Laugh at yourself! Some of the things that occur with the menopause are seriously funny, the brain fog, the memory loss, annoying? No, sometimes hilarious. USE the menopause as your cast iron excuse and alibi for everything you get wrong! Be menopausal and proud. It’s not an illness or a disease, it’s a new beginning and there are some amazing supplements out there that get rid of 99% of the negative symptoms (I take LYMA.life – not cheap, but a total game changer) Embrace this new phase and join groups that talk about the menopause positively and give some excellent advice on how to deal with some of the down times. It does pass but whilst you are in it, embrace the good stuff!
Does age matter?
Absolutely not! I am 53 and feel 23. The more I smile and fall over, forget things and laugh at myself, the younger I feel. Just enjoying your new found lunacy and knowing what you know makes you pretty darn special and I feel deeply privileged to have made it to this point considering what a reprobate I have been over the past 40 years! I fully intend to grow older disgracefully.
Plans for retirement?
Idris Elba. If he isn’t up to the mark, then Tom Hardy.
What would you say to women who stress about looking older?
Women who worry about wrinkles and flabby tummies? STOP! We are not designed to look younger as we get older. STOP comparing yourself to the seemingly “perfect women” – they are spending way too much time on their physical appearance which tells you that they are possibly unhappy with themselves on the inside. If you want to get control of your newfound roll of fat around your middle, simply cut out all starchy carbs and anything sugary – insulin is not your friend. Eat a little less often and try and fast a bit. Keep drinking wine, it makes you happy and less in need of comfort eating 😊 and remember, you are beautiful whatever you look like, because if you haven’t learned by now that beauty is not on the outside, then it’s time to start. Follow my blog if you want to see what real menopausal women look like and how amazing they are. Being perfect is DULL! Be YOU!
Sum yourself up in 3 words.
Catastrophic. Mad. Happy
Anything else you’d like to say about the joys of being older and wiser?
Now’s the time to stop giving a damn about what everyone else thinks and start believing in YOU. People will always judge, steer clear of those who do. Surround yourself with like minded, imperfect souls who are REAL and make you feel better about who you are. As soon as you let your guard down and start letting the good people see who you are, flaws ‘en all, you will reach a new level of awesome and you will be totally liberated. I am 53, got no waist whatsoever, a perfect set of breasts on my back now, along with the saggy ones on my front. I have laughter lines and one of my eyebrows is leaving my face! I often forget my own name and as for my kids’ names, well they have got used to being called totally different ones. But I am damned if I am going to spend the rest of my life worrying about ageing – why? It’s a part of life and it’s bloody great fun! Change the way you think about this. Can you change it? No. So, grab life by the ***** and start living. We get one life, live it.
Emma, I love you! Thank you so much for these words of wisdom. Idris Elba would do me nicely too if you don't manage to bag him first.
And if you fancy a good laugh, check out my podcast Dear Hormones where my co-host Kate Bauss and I read letters from women fessing up to all the things they've said and done whilst under the influence of their hormones!
40 OVER 40
Women are amazing. Women over 40 are amazing and then some.
I'm so excited to announce my new photography project which will showcase 40 incredible women all over the age of 40 who are doing incredible things for womankind.
I will photograph women who inspire me, many of whom are speaking up for the issues we face. There will be a focus on those who are shining a light on midlife and the menopause, making this word less of a taboo and guiding other women through this turbulent time. But there will be many more equally amazing women featured too.
I want people to see a set of beautiful, strong women and feel inspired. I want young girls to see the photos and get excited about their futures, but mostly I want to say thank you to these women who are showing the world every single day that being over 40 really is just the beginning of something incredible.
I'll be sharing the photographs I take here on my blog and my dedicated headshot website but also on my instagram pages @jennysmithphoto and @dearhormones as well as on Facebook (Jenny Smith Photography). Please keep your eye open for the posts and feel free to comment and share.
The Back Story
I'm 49 years old (this is me on my birthday this year) and for the last 9 years I've been perimenopausal. The fact that my computer puts a red wiggly spelling line underneath that word with ‘no guesses’ as to what I could actually mean is telling.
The red wiggly line was how I felt for many of those years, wondering what the hell was happening to me as I started getting daily headaches, burning up like a furnace, waking up at 3am, forgetting why I’d walked into rooms, trailing off at the end of sentences, and worse of all getting so angry at my young son who did absolutely nothing to deserve it. And all of this time I was running my own business, helping to care for my terminally ill father-in-law, running a household and keeping up with the toing and froing that comes with having a child in primary school.
It was only after I stumbled across a women's health podcast that I realised what was going on and took myself off to the doctors for HRT. And I only got prescribed that HRT because the GP in question acknowledged that I knew more about the subject than she did.
Knowing what I know now about the effects of the menopause and the daily challenges that women in their mid-life experience, I have decided to shine a light on 40 incredible women in the only way I feel qualified to do so. And that is by taking their photograph.
Dear Hormones Podcast
Earlier this year I launched a podcast called Dear Hormones with my friend Kate Bauss where women write in telling us about the times their hormones have got the better of them, be it puberty, PMT, pregnancy or the menopause. It’s light hearted but with a serious message.
I am passionate about women speaking up about their issues, to make topics such as periods and the menopause less of a taboo and wanted to do my bit in allowing women to talk openly about the things they may have said or done under the influence of their hormones. It has certainly helped me to share some of the shameful things I said and did before I started taking HRT.
I felt lost at sea when my perimenopausal symptoms struck until I found a podcast explaining what was happening to me. Dear Hormones is my way of helping other women feel less alone on their hormonal journey and hopefully help them to recognise their menopausal symptoms sooner than I did and get help.
Newborn and Toddler Gorgeousness - Muswell Hill family photographer
It has been a long time since I put anything up on my blog, but that doesn't mean it hasn't been crazy busy around here.
I have made a promise to myself to get better at this blogging lark, starting with this gorgeous family I photographed over the summer. The little baby girl was simply adorable and her big sister was one of the happiest children I have ever photographed.
Again, I was blessed with a beautiful house to photograph in and who can forget that long hot summer we had? This meant that I had lovely light bouncing around the already light and bright home. Perfect for photography.
The shot of the two sisters together was something of a surprise capture. It was a race against time as Baby A was ready for a nap and was getting a little bit fidgety, but we managed to get a very calm and serene image in the end and I love it!
May absolutely favourite photo from the session is this first shot where little baby A stared directly into the lens, and just look at those eyes!
This photo of her big sister makes me smile so much! She was cracking up practically the whole time, a complete dream to photograph!
I Can Feel the Vibe - modern school photography in North London
For the last four years I've had the absolute pleasure of working with two schools in North London photographing all of the children, in different ways each time, for an end of year exhibition.
2017's theme was all about feeling the vibe so we decided to pose the kids with headphones and had music blaring out during the shoot. As you can imagine, the kids loved it.
This is the fourth year of working with the schools so the children are getting very used to seeing me around and posing in front of my camera. In fact, many of them don't need any encouragement whatsoever, as soon as they come up to the backdrop they adopt the most incredible poses which makes me a very happy photographer indeed. Not to mention that these children are among the coolest kids around - and incredibly polite to go with it.
I absolutely love working with them alongside the uber friendly and enthusiastic staff members. It's easy to see why both schools have outstanding ofsted reports.
The thing I love most about this project is the way it gives the children such a boost to their self esteem. Not only by having fun in front of the camera and making them feel special, but by seeing their image displayed at the end of year exhibition and showing them to their parents and carers. It's a very proud moment for them.
A special shout out goes to headteacher Mr Flathers for his commitment to giving the children such varied creative experiences and the brainchild behind the whole project, to Stephanie Moritz who contacted me in the first place all those years ago, and to Michelle McDonald and Deputy Head Vicky Dawes for somehow managing to get 1400 primary school kids to turn up to their photography session on time. Walkie Talkies are the best.
Here's a snap shot of what we managed to achieve last summer and here's to the next project in a few months time.
Other projects with this school can be found here.
Baby Boy - Crouch End family photographer
So many sessions to catch up with here, starting with this beautiful little boy who I photographed a few months back now in Crouch End.
He was such an angel throughout the session, and has the most engaging eyes and expressions. I absolutely loved photographing him.
He's at that ideal age to photograph when they are easily entertained, can sit up on their own but crucially can't crawl off anywhere :] The perfect combination.
